Monday, November 26, 2012

tarik balik

my last post kena tarik balik sbb tak sensorkan nama rumah ni. orang google terus jumpa on the first page! aiyak mati. wpon tulis dlm bm campur2 tapi email tu mmg sepenuhnya dlm english. so takpe lah. cukup lah paparkannye 4 hari.. lenkali kalu nak tulis mesti sensorkan mana yg patut. takut memakan diri dikemudian hari.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

ada mood

malam ni tiba2 ada mood utk menulis. tulis blog mmg kene ikut mood. its ok sbb bukannya jana duit pun tulis kat sini. buat research mmg dapat duit so tak suka n menyampah sekali pun kene buat jugak sbb kalu tak tak dpt duit. n tak dpt phd. n tak dapat balik. huhuhu. nampak tak maksud tersirat di situ.

aku mmg manusia yg suka kan cabaran tapi bila cabaran betul2 datang id say to myself, 'what have i gotten myself into? bukan kah lebih mudah duduk bersenang lenang?' but deep down i know aku bukan lah manusia yg boleh tenang apabila hidup bersenang lenang. mesti nak cari susah jugak.

and that is the exact question ive been asking myself lately.

i first ask this question after the arrival of umar. rasa2 macam penah mention di blog ni dulu. me n hubby both said to each other, 'what have we done? what have we gotten ourselves into?' happy2 sbb dapat kawin after being a couple for so long, suddenly (well, not exactly suddenly but u get what i mean) dapat umar.. waktu tu sgt tak ready nak ada anak. but i bet semua parents pun rasa macam tu awal2 kan. but now we cannot be more thankful for what Allah swt has given us.

i very much hope i would feel the same way about the current situation in the future.

like now, anak2 dah tido, rumah dah kemas(boleh la.. ada sebakul baju belum lipat kat blakang aku ni tapi buat tak nampak saja.... ), but still cant force myself to study. hubby pulak hari ni cuti tapi tah apa angin tetiba sibuk tengok anime. aku mcm hangin la. oi jom la borak, udah2 le tgk anime tu bukannye slalu cuti. kene sound balik dgn dia. 'xde alasan dah xnak stadi, anak2 dah tdo. pegi la buat keje tu..'

n i mmg mengaku takde rasa langsung nak stadi.

what has happened to me? dlu tak macam ni pun? hubby kata, sbb dah makin nampak kot.

maybe. makin nampak apa yg perlu dibuat makin takut n instead of embracing the challenge, im taking a step back. takut nak masuk ke ruangan itu. once dah masuk. duduk la aku dalam tu 3 tahun tak keluar2.... arghhh takleh bayang.......

sudahnya hubby sambung tgk anime (tapi layan la jugak aku cakap sikit2 sebelum tu nak bagi hilang gundah gulana ini), aku tersekat depan komputer ni doing god knows what.

but as u can see right now, im writing on my blog instead of doing my work.

buck up mas. u need to buck up! (taken from grey's anatomy episode last week. best gile.)

ok kali ni betul2 nak pegi stadi. betul2!

bye.


to whom it may concern

i believe that one cannot learn a new language and be good at it in 6 months. to be good at any language you need time to read and write and listen and talk and repeat. so stop expecting me to wake up tomorrow morning to be jouzu(proficient) in japanese when i have 2 kids to take care of, a phd to complete and a house to run. just stop.

Monday, November 12, 2012

somewhere over the rainbow


as of now masih belum berani nak tulis blog entry yg panjang berjela2 macam dulu2. banyak benda masih dlm ketidaktentuan.. rasa mcm nak tunggu settle down dulu baru nak kembali berblog seperti dulu. tapi aku bajet kalu nak tunggu really2 settle down n happy sampai balik msia sok pun takkan berupdate jugak blog ni.


lately suka sgt pi beli takoyaki kat jusco. mahal satu set 8 biji 400yen. so tadi pegi jusco lagi cari takoyaki maker ni.. smalam dah survey2 kat tokyu store sampai 5890yen harga nye. mahal sangat. sekali kat jusco tadi ada yg murah.. 880yen jer. cap ayam je tapi ok la kan. benri desyou.... 


ini 4th round. dah jadi bulat cantik ..

hubby smiled when he looks at me while i was cooking this takoyaki. i said, macam main masak2. he said its nice to me happy. coz ive been too unhappy here. hii kalu boleh balik dah lari balik dah ni. 

apasal tah asyik rasa nak balik je.
susah dah nak tepon mama abah. asyik mengadu sedih je. mama pun mcm xnak layan sangat. takut melarat. she keeps saying, baca yaasin, mintak dipermudahkan urusan kat sini. 

even though hubby ada. we're a complete unit here. but it still feels.. incomplete. mungkin dah terlalu biasa dgn menjadi ahli kecil dlm keluarga besar, bukan queen of the house. now that i have to be the queen of this household.. im feeling overwhelmed.

tak campur lagi nak setel kan hal anak2 lagi.

umar membesar di malaysia. datang sini masih berpampers. berbotol susu.. padahal budak jepun baya dia dah free of those things. so sapa yg kene pressure utk ajar dia graduate botol susu n pampers? maknye le sape lagi. sangat kesian kat umar. kesian kat aku jugak. 

datang baby Qisti.. another round of settling down diperlukan... 

ah macam2.... 

ok bye.